Paper, scissors, stone

Narrator
It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye! The story so far... a large asteroid heads for planet earth, and only a rag-tag team of roughnecks can stop it. As time runs out, the tough guys learn the value of life.
Captain
What?
Narrator
Sorry. That's not the story so far. That's the plot of Armageddon. Bruce Willis dies in the end by the way. Captain Birdseye is just sailing towards an island looking for treasure. No asteroids. Boring.
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Captain
How do you like my new fish doughnuts recipe, shipmates?
Kids
Yay!
Nicky
Very yummy Captain!
Captain
Thanks, Nicky!
Katie
I'm not sure about the custard filling.
Captain
Oh, look - there's one doughnut left!
Billy
Can I have it Captain?
Captain
Aar. Tell you what. I'll paper-scissors-stone you for it. Best out of three.
Billy
Okay!
Captain
3... 2... 1...
Billy
Stone!
Captain
[together] Fish!
I win!
Katie
Eh? What's 'fish'?
Captain
Fish swallows stone - I win!
Billy
Ohhw.
Captain
3... 2... 1...
Billy
Scissors!
Captain
[together] Fish!
I win!
Katie
Surely scissors cut fish, into prime fillets?
Captain
No. Fish beats scissors.
Katie
How? How does a fish win a fight with a pair of scissors?
Captain
Fish beats everything!
Billy
Owwh. Can we have a best out of five?
Katie
This is stupid. I'll play you for it. 3, 2, 1... fish.
Captain
[together] Net.
I win.
Katie
What?! I thought you said fish beats everything!
Captain
Net catches fish!
Billy
It's a hard game, isn't it Katie?
Katie
Very challenging. <sigh> So what beats net, then?
Captain
Scissors, of course! Silly boy.
Katie
[bored with explaining this] I'm a girl.
Captain
[quickly] 3, 2, 1...
Katie
Scissors.
Captain
[together] Space aliens.
I win!
Katie
I hate my life.
Announcer
More exciting adventures with Captain Birdseye next time!
Billy
Can we have a best out of nine?
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