The most powerful computer in the world
Narrator
It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye!
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Katie
Captain?
Captain
Mm?
Katie
You know that map we bought? Shouldn't we be following it to find the
buried treasure?
Kids
Yay!
Katie
Gosh. That's the first time I've ever got a cheer.
Captain
Aar. You be right, me boy.
Katie
'magirl.
Captain
All we have to do is locate the island. But how? I know! We'll use the
computer!
Billy
Computer?
Captain
Come on, shipmates - to the computer room!
Katie
We've got a computer?
FX
Pause; music up; door opening
Katie
[entering] ...why was this never mentioned in previous episodes?
Computer
Greetings captain! I am Fishtron, the most powerful computer in the
world! Ask me a question and I can answer it. Any question. I am
clever! How can I, the most powerful computer in the world, be of
assistance?
Billy
Can I play Zelda?
Captain
No time for that now Billy. We must find the mysterious desert
island and claim our bounty!
Billy
I want to play Zelda!
Captain
No!
Billy
Zelda! Zelda! Zelda!
Captain
[irritated] You can't get Zelda for the Fishtron.
Billy
Ohhw.
Katie
Are there any games for the Fishtron, Captain?
Captain
Of course, loads! How about... Fish Adventure 3?
Katie
Funny. I've not heard of that one.
Billy
It sounds very good.
Captain
Give it a go Katie. Computer, load Fish Adventure 3.
Computer
Do I have to?
Captain
Yes.
Computer
Beep. You are in a cave. You can go north or east. You can see a fish
here. What now?
Captain
[encouraging] Go on.
Katie
[hopefully] Get, fish?
Computer
You take the fish. Congratulations, you have completed Fish Adventure
3. Would you like to play again?
Katie
That was rubbish.
Captain
Hmm... it wasn't as good as Fish Adventure 2.
Katie
You wrote it, didn't you Captain?
Captain
No!
Katie
Yes, you did.
Captain
Yes.
Billy
Have we got any games you didn't wrote?
Captain
There's, er, [making it up] Freddy... Fish's ...Action... Aquarium.
Billy
Yay! Can I play it, can I, pleeease?!
Captain
Okay. Here.
FX
Keyboard presses
Billy
Yeah! Wheeee! Freddy Fish! Pow! Look out! Oh no!... [etc.; continue
game-playing exclamations under:]
Katie
That's not Freddy Fish's Action Aquarium. That's the aquarium
screensaver. Billy. You are playing a screensaver.
Billy
...run, Freddy! It's very exciting Katie, do you want a go?
Katie
I'll give it a miss. Look, are we going to find this desert island,
or what?
Captain
Aye aye! Computer.
Computer
I am powerful!
Captain
Thanks. Can you locate the mysterious desert island on this map
please?
Computer
Of course. I am the most powerful computer in the world! I can do it
easily!
Captain
Well, computer, where is it?
Computer
Danger Island, 12 degrees, 33 minutes and 20 seconds north, 40
degrees and 17 minutes west. It took me only two attoseconds to
calculate these co-ordinates because I am so...
Captain
Computer, off!
Computer
po...wwwerrrr..ffffff....
Captain
Right. Let's go.
Billy
[still playing] Neeeooowww! Bang bang bang!
Narrator
More exciting adventures with Captain Birdseye next time.
Katie
Billy, what are you playing? The computer is off!
Captain
Oh leave him.