The lowest form of wit
Narrator
It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye!
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Captain
So, did anyone find any buried treasure? Nicky?
Nicky
No Captain. I think we need a map.
Captain
Of course - a map! We can't dig for treasure without a map! My
'cod', you're right!
Katie
[beat] Uh oh.
Captain
We could ex-'salmon' it to find the 'plaice' where the treasure is
buried!
Katie
Oh ...crud. We're not doing fish puns are we?
Captain
What's wrong with them? I think they're 'sardine'-g good! Heh heh!
Eh kids?
Kids
Yay!
Katie
Oh, come on. Fish puns are the lowest form of wit; right down there
below laughing at disabled people, and Radio Four panel games. You
know the scriptwriters are out of ideas when they make a really poor
joke like that.
Captain
[pause; thinking hard] Don't you mean... 'mackerel'-ly poor joke?
Katie
Argh! So tenuous and poor! I don't want to listen to this! I can't
believe it's going to be a whole episode based entirely on fish puns!
Captain
No Katie, I think 'perch'-ance you are mist-'hake'-n!
Billy
Captain, why does Katie always... <snigger>... carp... so
much?!!
Katie
Stop it! That's just rubbish. Carp isn't even a salt-water fish.
Captain
[was laughing under Katie's line] ...hee hee! Billy! That's really
funny!
Katie
I've had enough of this.
Captain
Katie, Katie! <giggle> ...'Haddock-nuff'! Ha, ha!
Katie
<scream>
Narrator
'Tuna' in next time for more excitement and 'tench'-ion with Captain
Birdseye!
Katie
Chuff! Not you as well!
Narrator
Sorry.