Child abuse
Narrator
It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye! Stung into action by the
theft of his fish-style meals, the fearless Captain blah blah blah
blah exciting blah blah ocean sailing blah blah fish blah blah blah
Captain Birdseye blah blah blah big bottom blah blah blah. Blah blah
thrilling adventure.
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Captain
Hey kids, I've just had a phone call from Fleet Commander Findus!
Guess what?! He's coming to help us track down the evil fish thief!
Kids
Yay!
Katie
I don't like Fleet Commander Findus.
Billy
He smells of jam.
FX
sirens; knock on the door
Captain
Aar! That must be him now.
Cop#1
Open up! This is a raid!
Cop#2
Yes, she's right, it's a raid!
Cop#1
So you'd better open up!
Cop#2
... Yes!
FX
door opening
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm...
Cop#2
We know who you are sunshine.
Cop#1
We're the child protection agency.
All
Dah, dah, daah!
Cop#1
Come with me, please, children. We'll take you home.
Kids
Yay!
Captain
What's going on?
Cop#1
Captain John Birdseye, you are under suspicion of serious offences
against minors.
Captain
I don't understand.
Cop#2
Oh come on, a fully grown man who spends all his time in a small boat
with half a dozen pubescent kids - well it's a bit dodgy, isn't it?
Narrator
More exciting adventures with Captain Birdseye next time!
Cop#1
You make me sick.