Ad 1
Music
tacky radio ad music
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Here at Safebury's, we're known for offering crazy prices on today's quality modern products.
But today all our computers have gone wrong, and are charging entirely random prices.
Just look at some of our bargains!
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Whoosh! on every item:
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This luxury chocolate gateau - just fifty-eight pence!
A punnet of strawberries, just four pence!
Two litres of lemonade, seventy four pounds ninety-nine!
Five pairs of women's jeans, just two shillings and a Swiss franc!
This five-hundred-gram pack of tortellini, over ninety-four thousand pounds!
Plus!! Buy any five boxes of breakfast cereal, get a member of staff and a bottle of
toilet cleaner, absolutely free! Hurry, hurry, hurry, to the Safebury random-prices
sale, before our computers start working again!
Ad 2
Music
as before
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Here at Safebury's, we're still having problems with our computers. The man from Dixons
says our extended ten-year warranty doesn't cover software failure, and Microsoft say
it's a hardware problem. We're quite sceptical that the tills will still work enough
to let you buy aything, but should you manage to complete a purchase, the price you
pay will probably be quite unconnected to the cost of the items.
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as before
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A four-pack of Cadbury's Caramel, just twenty pence and a koala paw!
Safebury carrier bags, fifteen groats!
A box of desiccated sick, sixty-six and a half pee!
This new 21-gear kids' mountain bike: three fingernails and a piece of paper!
So you might as well hurry on down to Safebury and try to buy something at a completely
arbitrary price. Remember, there's plenty of space in our new car park! which the
planning computers have situated in Norway.
Ad 3
Music
as before
v/o
Here at Safebury our computer problems have taken a turn for the worse. All the
doors have automatically locked and the sprinkler systems are emptying sewage
into the breakfast aisle. Here are some of our latest 'bargains'.
SFX
as before
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A bag of stoats, two pounds a hundred pence!
The National Lottery, half a pound of porridge!
Space Jesus, two to one favourite!
Precocious trousers, ten years without parole!
Please hurry down to Safebury and help us. The store manager's locked in the staff
toilets and is running out of air. The heating system has already burned two of
our cashiers. Please, for the love of God, someone help us.