Losertown: Family Fun ads

Darling, I'm just off to the bank to get a personal loan between five hundred and ten thousand pounds.

OK, see you later dear.

Oh bugger, it's closed.

Hello! [snort, snort] Do you need a personal loan between five hundred and ten thousand pounds, at your convenience? [snort] Then why not call Loanshark Direct on oh-eight-nine-eight, sixty-nine sixty-nine sixty-nine. You can spend it on sweeties, or a new bike, or just use it to try to get out of debt with other shysters whose ads you've fallen for.

Hello dear, I just got us a great deal on a personal loan between five hundred and ten thousand pounds!

[outrage] What!?!

er.. a great deal, darling!

So while I was out at the bank getting soaked, you decide to get us into debt without even asking me first?

please, Trevor...

If the bank hadn't been closed, we'd have ended up with *two* personal loans between five hundred and ten thousand pounds. You stupid bitch! Didn't you even consider that?

[sobs]

Come on you cow. Bloody answer me.

I'm sorry.

Say that again.

Owww! I'm... sorry...

Right. Now make my tea, whore.

[snort, snort] Call Loanshark Direct now, on oh-eight-nine eight sixty-nine sixty-nine sixty-nine, before mum and dad find out.

Have you taken those videos back to the shop yet Samuel?

Yes mum.

Don't lie to me you little git! Now take them back! You know there's a four-pounds-per-night surcharge on those. You're a real money-waster!

Yes mum.

And while you're out, get me some washing powder and some softener.

New Blob Automatic three-in-one contains both powerful cleansing agents and gentle fabric softener, plus a superb-quality stoat free with every box! Blob works hard to get your clothes really sparkling white, and slightly sticky. Now that's super cleaning, at a price that's right!

Hmm... Blob three-in-one... no need for extra softener... so mum pays over a pound less! Money-waster, eh?

Hello mum I'm back Is tea ready!?

Not so fast! Did you get those things I asked you to?

Yes mum.

Good boy... no, stay there! What's this? New Blob Automatic three-in-one? [beat] I asked you to get proper soap powder and chuffing fabric softener, you little prick! Powder and softener! Did you even hear me, gay boy?

But mum! No need for so...

You insolent little turd! How dare you? When I ask for washing powder and fabric softener, I mean washing powder and fabric softener, not this Blob shite. You're going to get such a belting when your dad gets home, I'll see to it.

[sob, sniff] But mum you pay over a pound less

Give me the money then, you pathetic tit, so I can buy some proper washing powder.

I... I spent it on porn.

New Blob Automatic! All the cleaning power of concentrated bleach, with the addictive qualities of gentle cocaine! Therefore, buy some of it please!

And put that stoat down, faggot. You don't know where it's been.