Losertown: History of Music 7

Hello. I'm Professor Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards. For the last forty years I have dedicated my life to painstaking research into the field of music. I now know more about music that anyone else in the world, because I am Eddie Edwards and I am skill! Yes! Hooray for me! Now it is my History of Music.

Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards's History of Music, part 187: Cheese.

As the dying gasps of indie and the abysmal 'brit-pop' subside, Britain's unimaginative and thick record-buying public have given up and have taken to buying music that not only is crap, but knows it's crap and doesn't care. This is chee...

Excuse me.

Hello, Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards here.

I'm the real Eddie Edwards, so this person who's been claiming to be me just isn't me. I just want to put the record straight, that this guy's an impostor. He doesn't have skis on his feet, he can't fly through the air, and he's not as good-looking as me. So he can't be Eddie The Eagle, because I am.

Nonsense. I am the Real Eddie Edwards, because I know everything about music! You are rubbish! I bet you don't even know the name of Abba's second album, or which Genesis album has the catalogue number CASCD-1074! Go on, answer me!

That's an easy question, everybody knows that; Selling England by the Pound.

Okay then, well, why don't you answer...

So if you think you're Eddie Edwards, can you tell me this? How many members are there in the band Steps?

Erm, four. No! Seven! Er... is it... er...

Well, you're wrong, it's five, and if you really knew more about music, you would know that there were five members in Steps. So there you are. So, you're rubbish at music, you know absolutely nothing about music, so you're not the real Eddie Edwards.

<sob> no... I am Eddie... I am him... [crying] I am good at music. Please make this stop now... put some Abba on or something.

Well I think Abba are absolutely crap. Abba are rubbish. They should be banned from all radio stations around the world. Ban Abba.

Please leave me alone.

Well, now it's time for some music. This is the latest release from Steps; it's called Tragedy.