Full speed ahead
Announcer
It's the adventures of Captain Birdseye! The story so far... the
Captain and his little kiddies, ahhh, with their little faces ahhhh,
have got a treasure map. With ruthless ferocity they have tracked the
treasure down to a desert island, which they are now approaching with
lots of speed. It's excitement-a-plenty on the deck of the Birdseye.
Which is what Captain Birdseye calls his boat. [beat] Vain or what?
Captain
Ahoy there! I'm Captain Birdseye!
Kids
Yay!
Katie
What's that on the horizon there Captain?
Captain
Aar, Katie. That be Danger Island, our final destination and location
of... the treasure!
Kids
Yay!
Katie
[excited] We're nearly there! The treasure is within our grasp!
Captain
[beat] Yes.
Billy
Then come, let us row like wind!
Katie
We could just turn the engines up.
Billy
Can we row like wind as well?
Captain
If you like. Full speed ahead!
Pirate
[pause] Halt!
Katie
Oh no! A pirate! Where did you come from?
Pirate
Over there. Yo ho ho.
Billy
And a bottle of rum?
Pirate
No. Hand over your bounty!
Billy
Ooh, have we got any bounty?
Captain
Have a look in the bounty cupboard.
Katie
Where's that?
Captain
Under the sink. Next to the bog cleaner.
Billy
It's empty Captain.
Pirate
No bounty? Then I'll fillet yer!
Captain
[thinking] ...no... you won't.
Katie
That was witty Captain.
Captain
I have something that might interest you and your scurvy dogs.
Pirate
Oh aye?
Captain
Here, take a look at this treasure map. You can have a copy.
Pirate
Oh, cheers. Bye!
Kids
Bye bye!
Katie
But Captain! Now we'll have to get to Danger Island before the
pirates! We must hurry!
Captain
Yes! Full speed ahead!
Billy
[pause] Captain?
Captain
Yes Billy?
Billy
Can we stop to play with those friendly dolphins?
Captain
Okay.
Narrator
Two hours later...
Billy
Hooray! That was fun!
Katie
[seething] Treasure... treasure... come on! We must find the
treasure.
Captain
That's right! We're nearly there now... full speed ahead!
Music
If available, fade in part of My Heart Will Go On.
Billy
Captain, what's that?
Captain
A sinking ship! We must rescue the survivors!
Katie
[reluctantly] I suppose we have to.
Captain
Ahoy! Excuse me!
Leo
Hello. Oi'm strawberry-faced celebrity Leonardo di Caprio. Do you like
moi Oirish accent? Oi'm the king of the world.
Katie
Obnoxious little git. Why can't he swim. Let's leave him to drown.
Kids
Yay!
Captain
Right. Full speed ahead! [pause] Land ho!
Billy
Land-ho?
Captain
Aye. It means we've arrived at Danger Island.
Katie
At last! The priceless treasure will be ours! Rich! Beyond our wildest
dreams!
Captain
Okay kids, time for bed.
Billy
Ohhhw.
Katie
But Captain! The treasure! The pirates!
Captain
Go to bed Katie.
Katie
But I'm not tired! It's only half past six. How come I have to go to
bed at the same time? I'm two years older! And why can't Billy have
the bottom bunk? The dripping always wakes me up in the middle of the
night, Captain?!
Captain
Go to bed!
Katie
[whimpering] okay.
Narrator
More exciting adventures with Captain Birdseye next time.
Billy
Can I have a story?